I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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