Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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