PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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