You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
