so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
