My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
