you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
