Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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