I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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