I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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