so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
