Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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