I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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