weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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