im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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