Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
