And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
