Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
