the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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