come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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