I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
