Pants 0. Shit 1.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
