I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
