Where is the hickey?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
