There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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