i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
