I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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