Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
