god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
