Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
