Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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