I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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