Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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