I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
