and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
