dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
