I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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