I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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