Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
