So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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