I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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