yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
