He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
