This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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