Banned from zoo.
Again?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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