I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
