We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
