was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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