im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so let's talk penis.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
