there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
