you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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