is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
