We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
