i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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