I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
