i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
