Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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