just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
