Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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