Where did you get a picture of my penis
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
