she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
