Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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