last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
