we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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