i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
