Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
