Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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