So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found your dick twin last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
