If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
