y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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