How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
