party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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