He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
