you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
