evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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