well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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