The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
