You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
