you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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