no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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